Dear Deirdre
My world has fallen apart and I don’t know what to do. Last summer I left my wife of eight years, Phillipa, for a woman in the North East called Ashley – but now she’s kicked me out and told me it’s over. I’m all on my own.
I’d upped sticks, moved in with her, the lot. To be honest, things had got a bit stale between Phillipa & I. We’d known eachother for years before we got married, and I got to the stage where I felt the relationship had gone as far as it could. I wanted excitement and possibilities and Ashley seemed to offer them. Phillipa was predictably upset when I left and said some pretty nasty things, there was no going back but I was nonetheless ecstatic and looking forward to life with Ashley.
Ashley is a pretty stunning woman compared to my ex-wife and I know some people thought I was punching above my weight and warned me it would be tough to keep her happy. I wasn’t put off; I’d been waiting all my life for a woman like Ashley to come along and once I moved in with her I resolved to do everything in my power to make it a success.
I should have seen the warning signs really. Ashley became quite distant and would frequently spend weekends hanging out with her friends rather than me. Often I’d be working really hard through the week and come the weekend all I wanted was her to be by my side. But as soon as Saturday came along, she’d be out with her friends, buying them all drinks and sometimes not coming back till Monday.
Maybe it was a bad idea, but I thought I should do something to bring us closer together. Ashley had always wanted a big family but had problems having kids. She had a smashing lad called Taylor from a previous marriage, but other attempts had gone wrong and there was a high chance of any further children being born deformed or handicapped. With this in mind and knowing that she wanted more, I suggested we adopt another child, I thought it would help cement our relationship and bring us closer together. After much persuasion she agreed to the adoption of a young lad from Manchester called Joey. He’d had problems in the past and was a bit of a handful, but with the love Ashley and I could give him I fet sure we’d become a happy family.
At Christmas, things took a turn for the worse. Joey got locked up one weekend, he’d gone back to Manchester to settle some old scores. I felt like such a fool and Ashley was barely talking to me, for the first time I began to have real doubts about the road I’d gone down. Worse still, Ashley was increasingly off out with her friends and I began to hear whispers about me. They began to turn her against me, saying I was dull and she could do better. I even heard back that Ashley was slating my style in the bedroom. Apparantly I was predictable – all “wham, bam, thank you Mam” and she was used to something better. This really hurt me; I did my best to please her and we hadn’t been together that long. Sometimes it takes a while to find out what really turns your partner on and I felt like I wasn’t being given a chance.
Things were getting very strained between us so we went for a weekend away to try and sort things out, it was kind of make or break time. So we headed down to Stoke and I was determined to show her a good time. Whether it was the pressure or expectation I don’t know – but when it came to it I just couldn’t perform. We headed back to Newcastle and I hadn’t even scored once, the whole weekend had been a damp squib.
Despite this I thought Ashley and I would carry on trying to work things out; Joey was off getting help and we hadn’t even been together a year at this stage. But the other night she kicked me out, saying I didn’t understand her and it would never work and things wouldn’t get better. I was devasted and tried everything to change her mind, but Ashley was adamant and I had no choice but to leave.
To make matters worse she’s going around telling everybody that it was a mutual decision, and her behaviour makes me think she never really wanted me from the start. I know there’s a local lad in the town called Alan that all her friends really like. Apparantly they almost got it on before I arrived on the scene. I feel like such a fool and don’t know where to turn, and I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I can’t believe she’s done this to me and I’m not sure I can ever trust a woman again. What should I do?
Deirdre says
Sometimes the grass isn’t always greener. You’ve been badly hurt and it will take some time to recover, but whatever you do don’t beat yourself up about this. Ashley sounds like a very headstrong and demanding lady who should spend less time worrying about what her friends think. It takes two to make a relationship work and if Ashley’s heart wasn’t in it then you’re better off finding out now. Don’t lose faith in yourself or women, many women would be glad to have a man as determined to make them happy as you so obviously are. You’ve made a mistake that I’m sure you’ll learn from, you have to forget about Ashley and move on. Listen to my phonelines for help.
0871 444 253 – She’s dumped me & I don’t know what to do
0871 444 254 - Lost faith in women?
0871 444 255 - Getting back on the saddle – mending your heart for love
